Hayley Mills Makes Me Cry

About ten years ago, I flew cross-country to a Hollywood film festival to see, among other things, Hayley Mills introduce The Parent Trap in person. Boomers like me adored the story of twins (both played by Hayley) who swap places to reunite their long-divorced parents before Dad marries a gold-digger. When Hayley started speaking, the total stranger sitting next to me grabbed my hand. We burst into tears and grinned at each other in perfect understanding.

Why?

I think it’s something about missed or misplaced dreams, a bittersweet, achingly poignant feeling of almost was or might have been. A life of adventure and possibility that was, to put it in purple prose, dashed upon the rocks of an unwanted divorce and an eventual empty nest. Watching sweet teenaged Hayley makes my heart remember how many hopes it once had. Where did those go?

The film’s “in the nick of time” theme brings us to today’s topic. There’s not a woman out there — especially older divorcees—who can’t identify with and/or root for Margaret “Maggie” McKendrick (played by the glorious Maureen O’Hara), the twin’s mother, to reclaim her true love and genuine identity.

In any woman’s life, there comes a defining moment when she realizes that if she doesn’t do something, she’s going to get “stuck”— in a lifestyle, a look, a career, a relationship, an attitude. That dawning revelation is a chance for change. If she takes the chance, she might change more than her hairstyle, she might just change her entire life.

Margaret’s moment of truth comes when she’s packing to take Susan back to CA. Her sly father uses some clever reverse psychology that has Margaret fingering the limp bow on her awful dust-colored dress. Her expression of vague dissatisfaction slowly becomes a calculating look. The mirror (and Dad’s needling) shows her what she needed to see–herself, relentlessly mummifying into her excruciatingly prim and proper mother.

A NYC shopping detour nets her an age-appropriate, terrifically flattering wardrobe with a whisper of Bohemian verve. Margaret boards the plane in Boston, but it’s Maggie who eases out of the taxi in California. Her “meet the rival” outfit is a figure-hugging floral frock with fluttering chiffon sashes, her catch-the-ex ensemble is HIS bathrobe. Finally, we see her barefoot in a peasant blouse, circle skirt, and dish-towel apron, and her transformation from stuffy matron to California girl is complete. More to the point, it’s a reflection of who she truly is.

For me, this film is a reminder that we can watch the parade go by with a sneer and a tear or we can get up and do something about it. Ready to give it a go? Here are a few practical steps from a former image consultant (long story for another blog post).

1. Face facts: Quit wandering aimlessly through your empty nest and/or clinging desperately to a former life as a mother of little ones, dutiful daughter, wife (if you’re no longer any of the above). That ship has sailed. Wave goodbye.
2. Seek light: Pray fervently for enlightenment about this new phase. God always has a loving plan for renewal. Ask and listen.
3. Take inventory: Look hard at what you’re doing, where you’re going and, more importantly, where you want to go. Who are you now and who do you want to be?
4. Ghostbusting: Clear your closet and home of “ghosts”—those things that keep you trapped in a former persona.  
5. Dust off your dreams: Are they still legit? Always wanted to write, paint, travel? What’s stopping you?

Just in time, Maggie realizes her current life (and style) are not a reflection of her truest self and were, in fact, a disguise. She joyously sheds an inauthentic, outdated role and rediscovers dreams she thought she’d lost. But she has to make the first move.

Sure, it’s Hollywood, and more than that, it’s classic Disney. I get that. But there’s truth in the strangest places sometimes.

Who knows? Maybe you’re reading this blog post just in the nick of time.